If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
