I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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