We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
