Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
