I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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