Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
