we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have fence marks all over my body
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
