i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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