hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
