SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
