I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
be right there i have to get my cape
Drunk is not a location!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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