True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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