That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
