Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
