So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed