You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok