I think I died a long time ago.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
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no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.