Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.