You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can vaginas get frostbite?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?