miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills