Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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