if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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