I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
