i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
