I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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