Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize