Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
