This is not my ceiling
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
