and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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