I want to make a zoo with you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
