That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
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Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.