I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
