ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
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Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.