I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.