Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.