Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
