Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Couch. On fire.
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