I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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