I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
