she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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