my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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