i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
