So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
