I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
