i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
