He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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