Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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