Duck Duck Cougar?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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