awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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