i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
