I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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