Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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