Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
