just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will be naked everywhere
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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