You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
