Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
