I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
