sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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