Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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