Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
