i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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