i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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