what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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