I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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