my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
