He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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