Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
