The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
