I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
