Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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