I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
