And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
