How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
