im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
