i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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