Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
