I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
