so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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