You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The air taste purple.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
