Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
