Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize