my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
